No Honey at Thanksgiving Tables

Thanksgiving in the human world is a time of mass gluttony and delicious food, yet humans have a fatal flaw in the planning of their Thanksgiving feasts - they neglect to put honey on the table.  This is an error that someone should definitely address, and I am just the bear to do it.  My biggest concern about the whole thing is that humans use gravy instead of honey, and I will share with you the reasons why.

For starters, gravy is delicious, but it is no substitute for the sweetness of honey.  If you think turkey and mashed potatoes is scrumptious with gravy on top, just imagine how delicious it would be with the sweet nectar of the honeybee on top.

Secondly, gravy on bread makes it soggy and it often falls apart.  However, honey on bread does not have nearly the same effect.  Instead, honey enhances the taste of bread, yet allows the bread to hold its shape so that you can easily hold the bread in your hand.

Gravy is also not sticky, which means that you do not get the enjoyment of smacking your lips and feeling the slight tug of honey.  Instead, you merely have a brown mess all over your mouth and clothes. In addition, the stickiness of honey helps you to know when you have it on your hands, but gravy lacks this useful attribute.

Speaking of brown mess, if you spill a little honey on your clothes or fur, no one will ever notice.  However, if you spill brown gravy you can be certain that the entire world will take heed.  Make the clothing friendly choice.

Last, but not least, honey is a natural condiment or meal unto itself.  Try finding gravy in nature and you will be wandering in the woods for a very long time.

Take it from me humans, and switch to honey at Thanksgiving (and every other holiday).  The buzz is that you cannot go wrong with this delicious and healthy choice.

Honey - Delicious and a Term of Endearment

As a bear, I love honey.  I love to eat honey on anything and everything, at any time of day, and at any time at night.  It is the last thing I like to eat before I go to bed, and the first thing I eat when I wake up in the morning.  My life, in short, centers around honey.

Humans also recognize the delicious nature of honey, and use the word "honey" to express affection to each other.  This makes perfect sense to me, as calling someone honey indicates that they are indeed the center of your universe, at least to this bear.  After all, what could be sweeter than the person that you love, and by calling them this pet name of endearment, you ensure that they know exactly how you feel about them.

If you are not calling someone that you love, honey, you should probably rethink this policy immediately.  Please note that this should be reserved for the people that you date, are married to, or have a very open line of communication with, as sometimes people can easily misconstrue calling them honey.

For example, honey is probably not an appropriate term of endearment at the work place, with your favorite feminist, with the teacher that you have a crush on, with your boss at the construction site, or with your teammates on any sports team.  It is also not an appropriate way to refer to judges, police officers, or human resources directors, based on what I have heard in the human world.

Be smart, and reserve the name for the person that will appreciate it.  Then, you can delight in the sweetness of your honey all day long, just like me! Tehehehe!

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: It makes no sense

I just finished reading a story entitled "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", and I have to say that the story made absolutely no sense to me.  From the very beginning, this whole story just made bears look bad, and it was a very inaccurate portrayal of how the bear world operates.

For starters, bears would never just go off and abandon their breakfasts.  We are hungry creatures, and not one to let food go to waste.  It wouldn't matter to us if our porridge was too hot or too cold, we would eat it no matter what.  There is no way an entire family of bears is going to go off and pass up a delicious meal.  I'm sorry, but it just isn't happening.  Goldilocks would have shown up to find those bowls licked clean in the real world.

Also, bears hate to sit in chairs.  The story acts like Goldilocks would have her choice of cushion softness, but the truth is that bears absolutely avoid chairs if at all possible.  They are uncomfortable, they make our backs hurt, and we have a terrible time standing up from them once we sit down.  Anatomically, it just makes no sense for a bear.

More than anything, the whole story really acts like bears don't have a keen sense of smell or intelligence.  You can be that if there was an intruder in my den, I would smell them long before I ever saw them, and that if I found someone had broken in and was sleeping in my bed, the results would not be how the story goes now.

This story casts bears in a poor light, and I just do not like it at all.  Not one little bit!

New Trick

So if you have ever visited New York City in the summer (or fall, winter, or spring - but most especially in the summer), you have certainly seen random performers singing, dancing, painting, drawing, and all sorts of things in an effort to get tourists and natives alike to part with their money.  I have been trying to think of something that I could to do make money, and while watching television today with Gomar I came up with something absolutely incredible!

We saw this trick on tv, and have decided to try to make ourselves famous in New York City be being the only bear-gator duo that does this...

Can you imagine how much money we are going to make?  People are going to be very impressed by a cute little blue bear putting his head into an angry green gator's mouth!  We'll have plenty of places to go to perform this act as well.  I am already picturing Central Park performances, Washington Square Park, along the Hudson, at Times Square - so many options!  We are going to be so rich!  The Amazing Blue Bear and his Lowly Assistant Gomar, the Green Gator!  I feel certain that we will probably get a television special or commercial appearance for this awesome act.

Should I hibernate?

I'm not really sure on the deal with hibernating for stuffed blue bears.  After all, I get very sleepy all the time, and I am also very hungry, so it seems to make sense that I would take a nice long nap until the Spring, but now Podar is telling me that stuffed animals who live in New York City apartments do not have to hibernate.  I assume that means that I get to stay up as late as I want every single day!  No more bed time! YAY!

On another note, today's joke:
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes.
A. FSHHHHHH

I don't get it either, but Gomar told me it was quite the hit on the local pond scene.

I do not really understand the whole concept of daylight savings time.  Why do people change their clocks around?  In nature, it is much easier.  The sun goes down, you go to sleep unless you are nocturnal.  The sun goes up, you get up.  That is, unless you are in comfortable cave with some honey... then you just stay put and enjoy the day.

In other news, I have decided to pick a professional football team to like - the Chicago Bears!  Was there ever any doubt that this would be my team?  I mean, seriously, Da' Bears!!!

The New York City Marathon

I was thinking lazing around enjoying "hibernation Sunday" and flipped on the television to see that NBC was covering the New York Marathon.  Now, do not get me wrong, I think that completing a grueling 26.2 mile run is quite the accomplishment, but I am not really sure I understand the television coverage associated with the event.  It seems like it would make more sense to cover the last mile or so of the race, where runners are actually in championship form.  It does not really matter to me who has the lead at mile two, since there are still two hours or so to go in the race.

I equate it to filming a bear going fishing.  You do not really start the process with showing the bear waking up, stretching, and shaking off any leaves that might have gotten into his glossy coat.  No one really care about that.  Instead, you show him approaching the river, and the action that occurs right before and during the act of catching the fish.

This got me thinking about ultra marathons - would they show the entire 100 miles or whatever they are?  The equivalent to a bear reality show would be showing a bear getting fat, hibernating the entire winter, and then going to the river to catch a fish.

Ah well, I'm probably just grumbly this morning because I haven't had my honey yet.  Perhaps a joke will make us all feel better.

Q. Why did the banker fall of his bike?

A. He lost his balance!

Tehehehehe!

Riding around in a cab

Today the entire family got an opportunity to go for a ride in a cab, which was the first time we have all done so together.  It was a pretty fun experience, although Podar seemed a bit carsick and slightly terrified of our cabdriver's erratic driving habits.

We were riding around with our dad as he ran some errands today, and it occurred to me that it is strange that there are no seatbelt laws for dogs, bears, seals, or gators in New York City.  This seems like an oversight on behalf of the local government, and one that I hope gets corrected very soon.  After all, we are very vulnerable when we are riding in the back of a cab, hanging our head out of a car window, or hanging out in the back of a truck.  It is important to protect us.

The day was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that we had to sneak into an office building in a backpack.  Apparently, the building was supposed to be "pet free", so we couldn't just walk in on our own four feet.  It got a bit stuffy, but then we got to get out and play before being treated to a nice dinner of macaroni and cheese (and honey of course).

Overall, not a bad day at all.

Is Winnie the Pooh an Addict?

Today I was reading online, eating some honey, and discovered an article about Winnie the Pooh.  It got me to thinking about the adventures of this bear, and I realized something.  Winnie the Pooh may well be a honey addict.

Don't get me wrong, every bear loves a good dollop of honey on everything that they eat, but there comes a point where the love of honey can become a problem.  For example, if you think about some of the mishaps of Winnie the Pooh's life, you realize that they were all caused by honey.  Either he had lost his honey, trying to find his honey, or had his head stuck in a jar trying to get more honey, and these are all indicative of a problem.  He also exhibited hoarding behaviors, and was always afraid of running out of honey or trying to get more.

If you think about this, this addiction to honey clearly mimics someone with a drug problem.  They always need it, want it, and are either scheming to protect what they have or trying to figure out ways to get more.  It is clear to me that Winnie the Pooh is indeed a honey addict.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to most, as food addiction is well documented and highly publicized.  Addiction can hit anyone in a wide walks of life, and Pooh's problem is one that just slipped through the cracks.  It reminds me of Cookie Monster's addiction, which although widely publicized and helpful in making him famous, eventually led to so many problems in his life.

Food for thought.

If a Tree Falls in the Forest...

So today, I was talking with Gomar about whether a tree makes noise if it falls in the forest if no one is around.  We talked about this a good bit before turning on MTV , and then we started talking about Jersey Shore.

My thought was that it makes a noise.  Gomar thought that if no one was around, then there was no noise to hear, because hearing a noise requires someone to hear it.  We went to Podar for a tie-breaker, but alas he was chewing a bone and unable to respond.

It is interesting how many sayings have these dual answers, and I have no idea why people even ask them. Is it just to have something to talk about around the honey pot?  I mean, what is the point of asking a question that has no answer?  I just don't get it.

Also, speaking of things that I don't get - why isn't there Tuesday night football?  I like football, and this is the only day of the week that I cannot watch it.  I don't really like poker, so then I am forced to either find a movie or watch a nature documentary.

Anyways, that is just my two cents for the day.  Thanks for "bear-ing" with me!

Q: Why are students afraid to to school on Halloween?
A: They fear the school spirit!